Donald and Jason go for lunch . . . at Macdonald's

Lovin' his Macdonald's on Airforce 1

Jason Kenney sits across the table from Donald Trump at Macdonald’s where Donald has ordered two big Macs, two fish fillets and a small chocolate shake. Jason’s more accustomed to government cafeterias and sharing a brewski with his buddy Andrew so he’s not so sure what to eat. He possesses a pretty healthy appetite but he doesn’t think he can keep up to Trump so he orders a couple of quarter pounders. Security has pretty much cleared the restaurant. Otherwise, they’d be having to put up with the heckles of parents who bring their kids to Macdonald’s for a few minutes of alone time while their kids are otherwise occupied in Macdonald’s Play Place.  

You eat like a bird, says Trump and already Jason’s regretting his meal selection. Or, a little boy, he continues. In fact, you kinda look like a little boy. Anybody tell you that.  

Macdonald's opening

Jason lovin' the fist pump

Not recently, Jason replies.  

Well, you do. You look like a little boy. Any what’s this I hear about you liking those of the male persuasion?  

That’s not true.  

Do you have a spouse?   

No.  

Girlfriend?  

No.  

Ever had one of those?  

It’s just that I’ve been too busy.  

You’re never too busy for a woman . . . with curves. You’ve seen Melania?  

Of course.  

Don’t you want something like that? You can get one now that you’re famous. You remember what I said about being famous and women? You can just grab ‘em by the . .  

Yah, I heard all about it, says Jason.  

You and the rest of the world, says Trump devouring half a Big Mac in one bite. I figure if you wanted one, you could have had one by now. That’s how it works. Even if you look like a little boy, you could still grab ‘em by the you-know-what. Or maybe not so much nowadays with the #Metoo movement. But you could still get yourself a nice looking lady even if you didn’t have a lot of time for her. You’re famous, she’d be happy with what she can get. But you don’t so I’m thinking you like boys.  

I’m not a homosexual, says Jason.  

But you have boyfriends on the side?  

No.  

So, you’re like a priest.  

I’m not a priest.  

But you’re like a priest. You don’t have sex with anyone but you have feelings for other men.  

I have no such thing, Jason says in a voice that causes handlers for the two men to turn their heads in surprise.   

Priests are married to God. You’re married to politics, Trump suggests taking a sip of his chocolate milkshake. Jason has only nibbled at his quarter pounder. The conversation is not going in the direction he anticipated.  

Can we change the subject? Jason asks.  

Jason and Donald have became friends quite by accident after Donald sent an encouraging tweet regarding a proposed Make Alberta Great Again campaign begun by Devon Dreeshan, now Minister of Agriculture and Forestry for the Government of Alberta and once a campaign worker for Trump’s Make America Great Again campaign.  

Yes, says Trump. A little birdie told me that you guys aren’t happy being part of Canada. Well, I love the idea. Alberta, the 51st state. It would be nice addition to the history books. Donald Trump, the greatest president of all time, expands U.S. territory for the first time in like over a century.  

Since 1959, says Jason. 

What? says Trump. 

That’s when Alaska and Hawaii became the 49th and 50th state in the union.  

What are you, some kind of nerd?  

Yah, I guess, concedes Jason.  

I’m not a big fan of nerds, says Trump after finishing his first fish fillet. They make great accountants but they just don’t get anything done. For that, you need men like me. Men who aren’t afraid to gamble and grab the odd pussy when they get a chance.  

I don’t like it when you talk like that, says Jason.   

No problem, little boy. Let’s just assume you’ve never been in a locker room. But you’ve got balls, I’ll give you that. You know how to play to your base which is, what, pretty much the same as mine.  

Yes, but I don’t have as many Christians as you. I’d love to have but even though Alberta’s the way it is. We have our share of Christians but we’re still part of Canada which makes us multicultural. You wouldn't believe the reaction our party got when we suggested a "barbaric cultural practices" hotline.   

I don’t like your prime minister, Trump says. He’s two-faced.  

He is. He says he’s committed to an oil pipeline but nobody believes him.  

That’s what you guys believe in, isn’t it? Oil. I tell the people I like coal but I really don’t care. It’s what they want to hear. All I care about is money which brings me to my last question before I leave. What’s in it for you?  

What do you mean?  

I mean, what’s in it for you? For me, it’s fun but it’s also a lot of money. A shitload if you want to know the truth. People don’t just know my brand but they have to purchase it if they want to do business with me.  

Is that why you do it?  

Why else?  

I thought you might think you’re doing the right thing.  

Never thought of it that way. You know, to be honest Jason, I figure whatever I do is the right thing.  

Me too, sort of.  

Don't be sort of, says Trump. You may think you’re serving a greater cause but it’s never the case. You’re always serving yourself whether it’s financial gain or to make yourself feel better. I love the love, that rush when you're standing in front of thousands of people and they're all cheering for you. And, if anyone should go against me or make me look bad, I crush. 

I got a few million. People like me, says Jason. 

A few million? says Trump. Pocket change. You join forces with me, we'll make that a lot of million. And, like you say, people love you. Or like you. Maybe you can turn that into some good money. 

I'll think on it, says Jason. 

Do that, says Trump. I want this to happen, this Alberta as the 51st state. You’ll make Alberta great again and you’ll help make America great again. It'll be win, win. 

I thought you don't believe in win, win. 

I do now, says Trump and he offers up his glass of chocolate shake for a toast.